Healthy Expectations???

A few months ago, and then again more recently, I urged him to seek help. His insecurities were tearing us apart.

I gave him two clear requests:

1. Get counseling. I couldn't continue to be the target of his insecurities. The constant monitoring, angry outbursts, overreactions, and baseless accusations were driving me to the brink.

AND

2. Build a life outside of me. His obsessive focus on me was suffocating, leaving me feeling trapped and hopeless.

His solution? He decided to see a relationship counselor.

But after just one session, it became clear how misguided this approach was.

He began the session by framing the issue as my inability to forgive—ignoring the fact that he repeatedly hurt me. To him, the problem wasn’t his actions, but my refusal to simply "get over it."

Then, I realized he had filled out extensive paperwork about "our problems" and what “we needed” without even consulting me. My voice, my perspective, didn’t matter.

But the final blow? When the counselor suggested I should consider his physical and sexual expectations as if they were rights he was entitled to. As if that was reasonable.

Let me be clear: physical contact and sexual intimacy must be earned through love, trust, and mutual respect. They are not obligations, nor are they entitlements that come with being in a relationship. I am under no duty to meet those expectations, and I refuse to feel guilty about it.

If my partner had upheld the promises he made—to love, respect, and support me—we wouldn’t be in this mess. If he had been honest, accountable, and loyal, none of this would be an issue. If he had shown up as a decent partner, no demands or expectations would have been needed.

Nowhere in my vows did it say I must compromise my body, my integrity, or my sense of safety to meet someone else's sense of entitlement. Nowhere did it say I should sacrifice my well-being or endure mistreatment simply because of his unchecked expectations.