Calmer waters

The past few days have been an emotional whirlwind, leaving me drained. 

The kids notice it too—"Mommy's sick," they say. 

But I’m not sick. It feels more like there’s a tiny parasite sucking the energy out of me. 

I knew I was pregnant weeks ago. 

Yet, I'm still coming to terms with the reality that the empty nest I had envisioned for September, when Miss Emi starts school, is no longer happening. It's no more than a distant, hopeful dream—one that will come, eventually... I hope. 

But how do I tell them? And am I truly ready to accept that I’m bringing a new life into the world? 

I don’t have the answers yet, but sitting by the water with a joint in hand offers me a fleeting moment of calm amidst my overthinking.