Things My Kids Have Said That I Can Never Unhear
Kids are tiny truth-tellers with no filter and perfect comedic timing. Here are actual things said in my house, presented without further comment:
“Mom, your belly looks like it has a baby AND a snack in it.” — Thanks, sweetie. It's called snacks ALL the way down.
“Are you going to live to be a hundred?” “Why, do I look old?” “No, you just... take a lot of naps.”
“Mom, why do you hide in the pantry?” “...Who told you that.” “We all know, Mom. We can hear you in there.”
Overheard at the dinner table: “When I grow up I'm going to have six kids like Mom.” “Why?” “Because then I can boss them all around too.” — Parenting: you're doing it right when they want your job for the power trip.
“Mom, is weed a vegetable? Because you said mommy's magic flowers are natural.” — We had a whole talk after that one. A whole talk.
My personal favorite, whispered to me at bedtime: “Mom, you're the best mom. Don't tell the other moms.” Reader, there are no other moms in the room. She just wanted it to feel exclusive.
Here's the thing about kid quotes: they're funny, but they're also little windows. They tell you what they notice. They notice the naps. They notice the pantry. They notice that you show up.
So yeah, they roast me daily. But they also see me. Really see me. And honestly? That's the whole ballgame.
Drop your kid's most unhinged quote below. I need new material — I mean, solidarity.
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