No Gos

Things I Said I'd Never Do as a Parent (That I Do Daily)

Before kids, I had PRINCIPLES. A whole manifesto of things I would never, ever do as a parent. Then I had six children, and the manifesto went up in flames.

Exhibit A: “My kids will never eat in the car.” My truck currently contains enough goldfish crumbs to qualify as a grain silo. The car is a restaurant now. I take orders.

Exhibit B: “I will never bribe my children.” I bribed a child with a single gummy bear this morning to put on pants. PANTS. A basic human requirement, purchased with candy.

Exhibit C: “No screens at the table.” The tablet is now a load-bearing member of our dinner structure. Remove it and the whole evening collapses.

Exhibit D: “I'll never say 'because I said so.'” I said it twice yesterday. Once with feeling.

Exhibit E: “My kids will have consistent bedtimes.” See post #11. The 47-step negotiation. Consistency is a rumor.

Here's what I've learned: pre-kid principles are written by someone who has never been screamed at by a overtired four-year-old at 8 PM while holding a baby and defrosting chicken nuggets. That person doesn't get a vote anymore.

And honestly? Letting go of the “never” list was one of the most freeing things I ever did. The perfect parent I imagined being was just another image — and images don't survive contact with real children.

Now my only principle is: everyone's fed, everyone's safe, everyone's loved. Everything else is negotiable. Even pants, apparently. For the right price in gummy bears.

What's on YOUR abandoned 'never' list? Confess below. This is a no-shame zone — mostly.