The Pause Before the Yes

If you are a mom who says yes to everything, I have a question for you. When was the last time you said yes and actually meant it?

Most of us did not learn to say no. We learned to say yes and then figure out how to survive it. Yes to the extra shift. Yes to the school fundraiser. Yes to the favour that takes three hours. Yes, yes, yes, until there is nothing left of you. Then you snap over something small, and everybody acts surprised. You did not snap over something small. You snapped because you have been saying yes for six months straight.

Here is the tool I want to give you. It is called the pause before the yes. The next time somebody asks you for something, don't answer right away. You say, "Let me check and I will get back to you." That is the whole sentence. You do not owe them an answer on the spot.

Then ask yourself three questions. Do I actually want to do this? Do I have the time and energy? And what will it cost me? Not money. Energy. Sleep. The one quiet hour you had planned. If the cost is your peace, the answer is no, and no is a complete sentence.

This is hard at first, especially if you grew up being the reliable one, the fixer, the girl who never said no. But here is the reframe: every yes you hand out to something you do not want is a no you just said to yourself. You are allowed to choose yourself sometimes, because nobody else is going to do it for you.

Try it this week. One pause. One honest answer. See how it feels to keep a little of your yes for you.

Quick note: this is coaching, not therapy. If the weight you are carrying feels heavy every single day, please talk to someone who can help. You deserve that support.

Your turn: what is one thing you wish you had said no to this week?