Name It to Tame It

Here is a tool I want you to steal from me, because it works. It is called name it to tame it. When a big feeling shows up — the anger, the overwhelm, the guilt, the sadness that comes out of nowhere on a Tuesday — you name it out loud. 'I am overwhelmed.' 'I am angry.' 'I am sad and I do not know why yet.'

It sounds too simple. I know. But here is what I have learned: a feeling with no name is a fog. It fills the whole room and you cannot see through it. The second you name it, the fog gets edges. It becomes something you can look at instead of something swallowing you.

I use this one with my kids too. When one of them is melting down and they cannot tell me why, I do not ask them to calm down first. I help them find the word. 'Are you mad? Are you tired? Are you embarrassed?' The second they land on the right word, their shoulders drop. The feeling is still there, but now we both know what we are dealing with.

So here is how you practice it this week. The next time a big feeling hits, pause and ask: what is this, exactly? Just the name. Angry. Overwhelmed. Lonely. Disappointed. Tired. Say it out loud if you can. 'I am overwhelmed right now.' Then take one breath. That is the whole tool. Name it, breathe, then decide what to do next from a place one degree calmer.

Naming a feeling is not wallowing in it. It is you taking the wheel back. The feeling does not disappear when you name it — but it stops driving the car.

Your turn: what is one feeling you have been carrying around unnamed this week? Give it a name — I would love to hear yours.